I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
