Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
