i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
