Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
