living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
