I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Your dad touched me again.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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