hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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