She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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