Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
