I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
