The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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