I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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