and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
