David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
cat food counts as protein by the way
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
