i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
