He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
