the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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