that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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