like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
