so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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