Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
