Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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