I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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