Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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