9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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