I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
