im six kinds of drunk right now
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
