She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
