Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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