Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
