Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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