Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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