i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
