i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
