Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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