i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
