Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
