3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
