Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
