I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
