Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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