Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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