Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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