Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
