Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
