Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
