I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
