thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
