Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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