my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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