I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
