Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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