I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
