i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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