...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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